Wednesday, November 5, 2014

African-American…or whatever

I am a human being. First, foremost, and forever. I share that quality with every other person on the planet. Make no other assumptions about me. Yes, my skin is brown, my hips are shapely and my lips are full. I love that. I am proud of that and I celebrate that, but enough about me (for now). There has been much ado on the internets recently about Raven Symonne’s comments about colorlessness and labels. I get what she and many other “new blacks” are trying to say. I appreciate and accept that they have the right to feel, speak, and do as they please, but I have seen so many people saying thinks like, “Well I just think that’s dumb” or “She’s delusional” etc. and I wonder when listening to some of the these opinions if they are even stopping to consider what they are saying. Now, I COULD be way off base and y’all might get me out of here, but this has been on my mind more and more. Let me preface the following with this: It is extremely possible that Raven’s delivery WAS WHACK. 
I’m going to share my views on the subject rather than her comments to perhaps shine some light where the whack delivery of recent celebrities may have fallen in the shadows. Let’s start by getting some terminology in order. Personally, black =/= African American. (Even the government makes a distinction). I’m not offended if someone calls me African-American, but if I am asked, “What are you?” (and I am asked often) should I chose to be a decent human being, I will say “black”. my nationality is American. 


“Why not African-American?”, you ask. Here’s why. I do, indeed, have roots that trace back to Africa at some point, however, I also have roots that trace (more recently) to Italy as my maternal grandfather was born there and came to America on a boat. with that, I do not identify as an Italian-American so why would I then identify as an African American with my roots there even further removed? Furthermore, if I were going to identify as either, why not both? 

So now, I’ll just be the asshole who goes around listing all my roots? Helen is now African-Italian-American. BUT WHY? When American should suffice. You can SEE my blackness. I don’t feel I have to announce it in order for other black people to think I’m proud of it, because what anyone else thinks of me is really none of my business. @Beauty_Jackson made the point, on The Good And Terrible Show, that famous white people are out here claiming all their heritage back to Jesus’ time and this is true, but let’s take a step back and recall what happens to people of African descent who want to claim ALL of their heritage. Tiger Woods comes to mind. He tried to let us know all that he is an what did the black community do? “Aw, you still a nigga.” It seems to me that we would celebrate all of who we are rather than tearing on another down for embracing it. It has happened to me on social media. I was bashed for listing the parts of my ethnic background that I am aware of (because I was asked about it). People said things like, “You don’t look ‘other’”, and “You’re just a regular ass black girl.” etc. I never claimed to look ‘other’ or ‘exotic’, and I AM a black girl, but my blackness does not take away from every other part of me. I feel like I should be able to be proud of my blackness AND every other part of me at the same time. But when I’m proud of the non-African parts I’m accused of trying to be “less black” or “new black”. What IS ‘BLACK’ anyway? All black people and all black people’s experiences are not the same. Here we are trying to lump all people from America of  of a certain completion together and that just seems the opposite of productive. Black American culture is so vast that it is impossible for every person to fit into every part of it.

I think that our heritage and culture can speak larger volumes than the actual color of our skin. There is such a wide array of colors within black culture from the fairest of the fair to the darkest of the dark that it really comes down to how each person represents his/herself and his/her culture. I come from a rainbow coalition of a family (both of my first cousins by blood, yes I only have 2, who identify as white) So while I still see color, I see it a bit differently than a lot of people in this country.
I'm from the south and I know that my "black" culture is different than someone who grew up in Cali or New York or Iowa. We are a spread out people, we don't have the luxury of having a uniform culture, and I think that within the black community if we realize that we are all different and acknowledge those differences and move on from them and find what IS common (values, where we want to be as a people, and how that fits in (or doesn't fit in) with the rest of the country) then we would be all good, but too often the focus is on the wrong thing.


I think the issue here is people shying away from being black because of the negative connotations that are associated with it when what we should be doing is disproving those stereotypes and living our own truths, oh, but wait...then that makes you a sell out, right? See the cycle? I say "be you" and don't apologize for it and at the same time let others be who they are/want to be just as unapologetically. *shurg*

Monday, September 24, 2012

This is my Week: It's Only Monday.

Okay, so I haven't written in a while...I'm feeling all kinds of ways right now so I'm just going to write (type), and see what comes. I hope y'all don't get me up out of here for this...

I'm sad. About a lot of shit. My cousin is gone. Like, I don't even believe it. 33 years old and dead. I'm having a very hard time with this especially since I had it on my mind to reach out to him (it had been a few months since we last spoke) the day of his accident and I didn't. I remember saying "He's not online, I'll just catch him next time." (Usually even if he's not online I'll send him a message anyway and he gets back to me becaue of the time diffrence. He lived in Japan.) I really just don't konw how to feel at all. Everytime I think about his children I break down...I mean, he was all the way across the world and because of  technology I never REALLY missed him because if I wanted I could reach him, and the ONE time I actually missed him the ONE time something said,  "Helen, just shoot a message real quick and tell your cousin you love him." I didn't. I skyped three other people that day and none of them answered...and now I wonder would he have responded later? Could I have talked to him one more time? It makes me mad.

Also, Boo (my mini me) started daycare today...in the midst of all of my sadness, this morning I had to put on my big girl panties and leave my only child with complete strangers for a full 9 and a half hours, and to add salt to my wound I don't even get to pick her up on her first day (or any day for that matter) because I have to be at work from 4-8. So, dealing with the above grief, as I drop my child off at day care at 7:30 in the  morning knowing I won't see her again until 8:30 at night when I get home from work, I begin to get a little misty eyed (I did not cry inside of the daycare) and the lady in the daycare says "Don't cry, she will be fine." BITCH who the fuck are you!? Like, I just...I fucking hate the place. I just don't like the whole air around it, but they are the only state licenced daycare facilit in my city, which sucks major wildabeast ass. The lady who is over the whole place is...I don't even know how to describe it. I'll say this, she met me once, gave me a form to fill out and CALL her about...I called her about it and she couldn't remember who I was. She then schedules a 9am meeting with me to which she was 23 minutes late. ( I have a 9:30 class) at that meeting she tells me I can fill out the rest of the paper work on my child's first day (today) and give her the application fee. She wasn't there yet I couldn't do either thing...(well, perhaps I could have, but no one there offered to do either of those things with me). I went to take the payment and fill out the paperwork when I got out of class at 1 and she was getting in her car to leave and go pick up children for the afterschool program. As she sits in her vehicle with the door open talking at me over her car door she says, "You know she don't like to mind? She has a problem with listening." and then proceeded to tell me that  my child rolled her eyes at a teacher and let out a sigh when she was asked to do something (which I do not put past my child, but she said it like, "you know she do that right, you seen it" well no, she may sigh and put her head down if she doesn't like something, but NO she does not roll her eyes at me or anyone else in my house and what the hell kind of adult gets upset because a TWO YEAR OLD breathes hard in their direction?) You know...just typing this is making me a little angry so I'm going to stop now...

Thank y'all for reading this if you got this far...I'm going to be alright...your prayers/wishes of good outcome on this are welcome and appreciated and I offer the same to you in all your tough situations. Be blessed. I promise the next post will be better. I'm out.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Swindle: A Vicious Cycle

Okay, so in being on social media and also having real life experiences of my own, I have come to realize a few valuable tidbits about people in general and about men and women separately. First of all, we're all full of shit. There. It's been said, and now that it's out of the way we can all move on. Men, y'all be lying and ladies we be falling for it. Now before I go any further and confuse someone out there like I said in the title this is a cycle and like in so many cycles it may not be clear where it begins and ends and begins again...BUT (I think) I GOT IT!!! Pull up a chair, kids, and listen up close.

We'll begin with the men. Fellas, y'all. be. lying. To women, to  yourselves, to your friend zoned home girl, your dog. Just anyone who has ears to hear you will lie to them, and often times not even on purpose and then be mad when a bitch catches feelings and starts liking your ass -- lemme explain -- young men will say/do just about ANYTHING to get in some pannies (yes, pannies) when the ONLY thing that NEEDS to be said is, "Hey girl, I want to get in them pannies, please." You should always ask politely. (Now, check the title, I told y'all this is a cycle before you go hollering that shit will never work) Anything said or done beyond that in order to add a body to your count is a bold faced, bald headed ass, LIE! Taking her to the movies and out to eat and kicking it with her and asking about her day and sending good morning texts is only doing two things. A. Making her think that you like her and 2. making her like you and begin to develop feelings about and for you. STOP IT. If all you want is the draws just say it. There are only two answers that can follow. Yes. OR No. It's simple. She says yes: You do it. You leave. The end. If she says no, you move on. The end. It's not rocket science, folks. Think of it like this guys if she wants a relationship and you don't wouldn't you, after declining her offer, want her to move the hell on and leave you alone?

KEEP UP!

NOW LADIES!!! I know I know, half of you all are like, "I ain't bout to fuck no dude that just comes up and asks me for the sex, nah." BITCH, YOU LYIN!!! You knew you wanted to get with him the moment you saw him. You just don't want him to think you are a hoe. I ask, who gives a damn? We don't know your life all opinions of you are mere speculation. If you want him, get with him. The end. But for the sake of the cycle here were go. He takes you out (lying) selling you all kinds of woof tickets and you start to like him when all he wanted to do was fuck: THE SWINDLE there it is. DO NOT FALL for it!!! It is almost inevitable that you will spend time with this man and begin to develop some type of feelings for him. STOP! Recognize as soon as humanly possible if, in fact, you are being hit with a swindle. There are signs, "Well we talk a little, text, but he seem kinda shy like he don't talk much." CAUSE HE DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU!!! He's not interested in knowing much more about you than what it is that that mouth do. I'm just saying. Recognize it and act accordingly. "On our first date he asked me to come back to his place after." WELL...I bet he put yo ass out after you're done too! There is nothing wrong with giving it to him. But do it on YOUR TERMS. Don't it to him because he took you out on a couple dates and now he is EXPECTING to get it. Nah, dawg it don't work that way. We stopped playing YOUR game the moment you started lying about what you wanted.

are you still with me???

Back to the fellas. You want bitches to fuck you. Cool. Stop calling them hoes for doing it. Simple. Being considered a hoe or called a slut is these hoes biggest insecurity. If you want them to give up the pannies STOP JUDGING. Would you, if every time you did something you like, oh let's say go shooting ball at the gym, got called cake boy? NO sir! You would stop playing ball all together. Saying that women who have sex with men because they like having sex is like saying men who shoot ball at the gym all day Saturday are pussies. It's just not damn true. So stop!

Now, let's recap. The cycle: Men want the pannies so they lie, women catch feelings because they've been given and illusion of reciprocation, y'all do the nasty and she all in love. And it just keeps going around and around and around. We gotta nip this in the bud guys. Just be upfront with people. Sure her feelings might be a little hurt cause all you wanna do is fuck, but hey she may still give it to you. Only NOW, since you were honest, she doesn't have any false expectations about what she is to you and who you will be to her. Of course you will have the occasional delusional bitch who gives it up and tries to change you. That's not your problem. STAY honest and in the court of love/hate/you wham bam thank you ma'am'd me you will be the who has the favored ruling!

You are dismissed.


Comment, like, discuss...whatever!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Trust me, I do this for a living!

Can your baby do this???
I didn't think so! Pictured in this photo is my daughter, (at the time 7 months old). She was participating in a swim program called ISR (Infant Swim Resource) a program that teaches children ages 6mo.- 6 years old how to survive if they ever find themselves in water that they can not stand in.
Swimming is a skill I believe EVERYONE should have. At the very least one should be able to stay afloat long enough to be rescued or move toward a solid object to hold onto...
So many people are afraid of the water. Especially in the black community. I can not tell you how many people (of many races) I've encountered that say, "Well I just never go near the water, my mamma never let us go as kids cause she couldn't swim." I just don't understand! You bathe don't you?
Then you have those who don't want to get their hair wet. Lord forbid you have to wash that nappy shit for a change! Braid it up and charge it to the game...
And the best one I've heard to date... "I drowned when I was a kid." LIKE HELL, you drowned! How the fuck did you drown and you standing here to tell me about it? Didn't happen! If you drown you will be hauled away on a stretcher with the white sheet over you. You may have had a near drowning experience (which also in most cases I doubt) and that's fine, but shouldn't you want to ensure that it never happens again? Or at the very least allow your child to learn from your unfortunate situation in a controlled and safe environment and IMPROVE by giving them a life skill that could not only save thier life, but also open up countless educational and JOB opportunities for them? Or is that too much like right?
People, all I'm saying is EDUCATE YOURSELVES! We fear that which we do not know...so go find that shit out! Its not hard.
If anybody out there hears me...and is or knows someone in need of water safety instruction in AL or GA. Contact me via twitter @haking or email. haking_3@yahoo.com . I will be more than happy to assist in finding you the help you need!
You can also contact your local Red Cross chapter or health clubs in your area.
End rant!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Late nights...

Nights like this... I I wish...raindrops would fa a a a aalll...
No, seriously though. I've gotten accustomed to spending my nights sans a bed partner... It gets easier as time goes by, but some nights you just wish you had somebody there to fill the space. Sadly, tonight is one of those nights.
So here I lay watching this poker tournament (more like its watching me) and looking at the wall contemplating the world. Where did I go wrong? Who did I piss off for this to be my life?  Where is my forever after?
If I have retained any lessons in life I've learned not to question God and to always listen to my gut THE FIRST TIME! And by knowing these things I know not to second guess myself which is why a conversation I had earlier kind of shook me up a bit. Pissed me off even, yes PISSED, but only for a moment because soon realized it was not worth my energy to be upset any longer.
I was told tonight that I am crazy for not taking up an offer from a past flame to "be a family". Am I? I know not. I was also told that I'm "fucked up" for not giving said past flame yet a third chance to have my heart and that I am holding the past over his head. RIGHT! I mean, okay...maybe you DID change kudos to you...too little too late!
I mean, I appreciate the effort, but now that I have THRICE declined your offer could you please keep it moving? Like, seriously!
I understand that if you are truly sincere in your efforts my rejection may sting a little, but you WILL NOT be MAD at me and go off on a rampage of what a stupid, fucked up person I'm being for, politely even, telling you that I am not interested!
No, sir. You will NOT!
I will not be subjected to your verbal thrashings because you feel wronged that I no longer have the same feelings for you as I did before! Things change. The time for anger has long passed... The time for forward motion is upon us and I wish you would do just that...MOVE THE FUCK ON!
You say you've changed but for the past two years you've done nothing but show me the same old you! And to be frank I don't really like you all that much.
Wow, that just took in a whole different direction than where I intended. I just had to get that off my chest...Thanks for reading...stay tuned for more Sunshiney posts... I promise, they are coming!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The End: When We All Die.

Preface: If you don't find the humor in this in the fact that I am DEAD SERIOUS about every word below, you are probably already dead and this does not apply to you.
 
The day has come! Judgment day, D-Day, when Jesus comes to get us, well, those of us He's taking with Him, The last day of the world- THE BIG ONE- Floods and fire, locusts, frogs, earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes, nuclear melt-downs, aliens the whole nine yards!

"What is we gone do?", some may ask...
"How can we stop this disastrous day from occurring? Go to church and get right with the Lord? Call my mom? Go to my local Walmart  and buy up all the water, batteries, and bread I can find?"

Others may need to know, "How can we prepare to Survive this horrible circumstance? What Hero will save us?"  "GO GREEN!", they say. "Plug the hole in the ozone layer; STOP global warming! That'll give us more time!"

There MUST be a way to have an ending like those in the movies like 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, and Independence Day! Some person or GROUP of people must have the answer, RIGHT?


WRONG!!!!!

There is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING to be done- What CAN you do? Furthermore, WHY would you WANT to do anything about it in the first place? If the WHOLE WORLD is ending today or whenever...and EVERYBODY is going to die anyway- WHY, in the name of sauteed elephant shit, are you trying to live through it and be the only person left on the earth? So you can mate with the only other survivor who happens to be your first cousin and repopulate the Earth? I would certainly hope NOT! GO IN PEACE!!! I mean, really, how bad could it be? You probably won't feel a thing (unless you try to fight it)

It's not like you will leave people behind who will miss you or you will miss all your loved ones when they are gone and be sad, because... NEWSFLASH: THEY'RE DEAD TOO!

STOP trying to be a hero and just let the world end already- The way it was intended to! IF YOU MUST DO SOMETHING...Try this:

Get your affairs in order with whichever Higher Power it is you identify with whom you believe will save your poor mortal soul to secure your spot wherever it is you would like to spend the rest of eternity after the inevitable occurs! 

And that's all I have to say about that! 

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Let's Talk About... SEX!!!

My very first Blog post. I'm excited. Any feedback, comments, or concerns are welcomed and appreciatied! I hope you enjoy!
Sex. Everyone is doing it, right? Two (or more) consenting adults getting together to "do it", these days, is not such a big deal, right?
Everybody does it so what's the fuss about, right? Getting out there and getting some should be a piece if cake... or at least one would think, but let's take a step back and look at an angle I never explored until I was faced with the issue of finding a NEW sex partner after ending a long-term monogamous committed relationship.
Now, some of you might say, "Helen, you are an attractive, young vixen. You should have no problem finding a man to be with in bed." True as that may be, most women in this situation (including myself) don't want just any man. Even if he is only to serve a physical purpose. There are a few SPEED BUMPS before a woman (or man) on the road to finding "The One". To have sex with, that is.

1. Finding a new partner is NOT like picking a new flavor of ice cream.
Oh, if only it could be so simple...
Whenever I go to Coldstone, TCBY, or some other similar venue I petty much know what I want, but when I get inside I almost ALWAYS sample at least two other flavors just to be sure or if there is something new I've yet to try. Apply this practice to finding a lover and there is no certainty of what you might get except a trip around the block or two and a name for yourself before you finally find "The One". Its not very becoming of anyone to go around trying sex partners like the flavor of the week!

2. If you know me, you know that Drake is FAR from my favorite rapper, but he said it best. "How you supposed to find the one when anyone will come with you?" Even apart from being in a relationship...and to add to that... How am I supposed to get with someone when a lot of these SOMEONES out here will get with ANYONE? You know what they say, "When you sleep with someone you sleep with everyone they have ever slept with." That's a hard pill to swallow, but brings me to my final point and question...

3. Who are you doing? We are all adults here so let's be real who is NOT having sex (at some point) these days? You finally found "The One". You've been out of the game for months, looking...and you found them. But what about this person whom you have decided to be intimate with? Since EVERYBODY is doing it- Who are they doing it with? Is it more than one person? And now that they are "The One" will you also be that to them? Is that too much to ask outside of the confines of a committed relationship, sexual monogamy? Or is it too much to ask, if you decide to enter into a sexually polygamous relationship, who else is involved and when (not in complete detail, but in general time frame). One has the right to know, right? I would sure hope so...
Or does that even work? Being sexually exclusive without having a romantic relationship. Ponder on that and let me know what you guys think!